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Friday, June 30, 2006

Canada Day, cancelled?

These colonial bastards, who do they think they are? It's time to rise up, my fellow Canadians, and overthrow the shackles that these prudish, fun-killing English overlords use to hold us down. No more shall we take this disrespect, this evil! Down with the Queen! Down with England!

Of what horrors, what abuses, what terror do I speak? Of this, my patriotic friends, of this:


Every year, Maiden Lane near Covent Garden becomes a mini-Mardi Gras, Canadian style. Which is to say, people stand in the street outside the Maple Leaf Pub, drink beer and spontaneously break out into Oh Canada. Good times.

But no more. Owing to so-called "security concerns" -- with Canadians! What are we gonna do? Throw donuts at you?!? -- the Met Police (as if they didn't have bad enough press already!) have shut down this little party.

Oh but don't worry. They've replaced the good times at the Maple Leaf with a "safe" party in Trafalgar Square. TODAY. Today, which is not Canada Day. And this "event"? Ha! It's nothing but a bunch of stalls pushing the Rockies to tourists and selling pins and key chains. Not ONE Tim Hortons stand to be found... and you call this Canada Day? There's also a concert that yes, has Ron Sexsmith, but also has Dance Saskatchewan. Great. Why don't they just put up posters of us commuting with dog sleds and living in igloos?

To help me overcome my disapointment, I rode over to Maiden Lane, stopped in at the Canada Shop, and bought myself £11.90 of Canadian beer. While the selection is poor, they do have Sleeman's Honey Brown, and that was enough to put the smile back on my face... tho I do intend to turn the empties into Canadian moltov cocktails (maple syrup and Crown Royal) and chuck them at cops. And then get deported. So, uh, see you soon?

6 Comments:

Blogger Daorcey said...

But what a wicked reason to get deported: violent insurrection, eh?

Ron Sexsmith ain't all that bad, but the rest is probably a big "come to Canada because we have snow and natives" event.

And there's something so wrong with this headline: "Street hockey comes to Trafalgar Square for Canada Day, June 30."

30/6/06

 
Blogger Daorcey said...

I just heard a CBC report on the ball hockey in Trafalgar Square.

Why is Canada Day being celebrated a day early? "It seems the Square was already booked."


And now you know... the rest of the story.

30/6/06

 
Blogger Nat said...

No, no, no. You do not (or is it donut) throw donuts. You pummel them viciously with Timbits. That is the proper and only way to begin a violent insurrection. And you call yourself a Canadian.

1/7/06

 
Blogger Nicole said...

But where am i going to get Timbits from?? There're no Tim Hortons!

1/7/06

 
Anonymous Peter said...

Limey bastards!

1/7/06

 
Blogger Ryan said...

Booooooooo!

4/7/06

 

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